Stupid Yinzers

Don't they know you're supposed to fight with fans of the other team? I guess they're kinda new to this whole 'winning at baseball' thing.



Maybe they were fighting over who has to sit next to that annoying chick. I'd take a punch just to get outta that inhumane treatment. When she opens her mouth you know it smells like sauerkraut and cigarette butts.

Oh yeah, and F Pittsburgh.

Opening Day Heroics

Afraid of being upstaged by yesterday's blog post, the Reds decided they needed a walk-off home run on Opening Day (yesterday):



I love the random guy calling it right beforehand. Go Reds.

Opening Day

In honor of what amounts to a citywide Holiday in my hometown, here's a clip of Jay Bruce hitting the division-winning home run in dramatic fashion:



One pitch, bottom of the 9th, Playoffs.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a repeat. Go Reds.

Descent Into Madness

When UC fired their awesome, tracksuit-wearing head coach a few years ago (after he vomited in his car during a DUI stop), they went from being a good college basketball team that choked in the tournament every year to just a shitty team overall. Not good times.

Then they hired this little Irish fella and continued to suck.

This year, however, the sucking stopped for a bit, and they played well enough to earn a spot in the NCAA tournament. By the luck of some nationality that had a day of drinking this week, UC was playing in the DC bracket, so we scalped some tickets, snuck in a bottle of rum (b/c there's no alcohol sold at NCAA tournament games) and watched UC dismantle Missouri. I learned a few things in the process:

1. My jacket pocket easily fits a small bottle of rum
2. Missouri's mascot (a tiger) looks like Chester the Cheetah
3. Kansas fans should be dropped off a cliff
4. Lower-level seats are pretty sweet
5. Angry scalpers may tell you to 'Go Kill Yourself'
6. College band folks are just fatter high school band folks

Sparky Anderson (1934 – 2010)

It bummed me out to read that Sparky Anderson had been in hospice care recently, and it really sucked to read that he died today.

Besides being a Hall of Fame manager (2 World Series titles with the Reds, one with the Tigers) and a Cincinnati icon (coach of the Big Red Machine, dangit), from everything I've ever read or heard, he was a super-nice guy who didn't let fame and success turn him into a douchebag.

Growing up I heard all kinds of stories about the Reds teams from the 70s. Everyone who told the stories had tons of opinions on who was the best player, the biggest asshole, the most clutch, whatever, but I don't remember anyone ever saying anything bad about Sparky. Knowing that almost everyone in Cincinnati hates almost everything makes that even more impressive.

There have been all kinds of great stories written about him today, a bunch of them re-hashing memorable quotes, etc (he was notorious for butchering grammar), but my favorite was from Pete Rose, who said, “I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit for Sparky.”

Vote for Votto

Reds first baseman (and Canadian citizen) Joey Votto needs your help. See, for some reason, even though he's leading the NL in home runs, in the top 5 (total guess) in RBIs and batting average, and playing for the NL Central-leading Reds, he's not on the All-Star team.

You can help change this.

Instead of looking for amputee porn or video of fat people falling down the stairs, go to this link and sign up. you can put in a fake email or one you never use, then just put in the stupid code to prove you're not a bot. After that rigorous process, you can vote 2,000 times.

If you want to be nice and vote for someone from the AL, go for Kevin Youkilis. He might play for the assface Red Sox, but he's from Cincinnati and graduated from the same hallowed high school as the author of this blog.

More Soccer

The US won today, which was huge...the bigger question is what's wrong with the pansy-ass Algerian player who slapped a reporter after the match. I bet he flopped when she slapped him back, only to miraculously recover in 10 seconds.

What a bitch (the player!), even for a soccer player...he had 90 minutes to hit a man and instead takes a shot at a female reporter after the game.

Hopefully he gets a red card...of death! That sounded funnier in my head.

I did have the video up here of the winning goal, but FIFA sucks and they blocked it from YouTube or something. I blame the French.

Soccer

The Simpsons figured it out:



And really, it's not that I hate soccer. I even tried to get into the big US vs England match on Saturday, but holy shit that sucked. It was like watching 10-year-olds play in the 2nd half, and after all that hype it ends in a tie? I'm sorry, but ties are garbage. It's not a moral victory, ok? It's a little bit better than a loss, but that's it.

Seriously, how can you have such a huge, momentous sporting event, something so big it only happens every 4 years, and after you play for 90 minutes, both teams just say, "ok, that was fun" and it's over. LAME. Sports that (regularly) end in ties are a ripoff, and an abomination. I'm assuming in later rounds it goes to penalty kicks or something, but it's soccer, so maybe not. Maybe they just shake hands and wish each other well.

I think they should go to some kind of dueling after regulation is up. Goalie vs Goalie, Striker vs Striker, etc...until it's coach vs coach. I think the US Coach could kill a man with his bare hands. England's coach? His name is Fabio. You decide.

In Hole

It's not hard to see why this cracked me up (b/c it has 'hole' in it, which is kinda like 'butts' except it's dirtier. pun intended), so I saved it to post the next time I, um, blogged. I hate that word as a verb. It's not as bad as tweeted, but it still kinda sucks.

Anyway, I'm a dork and listen to baseball on internet radio sometimes. Since there's nothing to see (a major drawback that radio struggles with), MLB.com puts little graphics and stats and stuff up there. Including who is coming up next.

The picture of Dan Uggla with the 'In Hole' tag was a nice fit. He looks pretty 'yeah bro' about being In Hole, and who can blame him?

Poor Timing on the Trash Talk

I like talking shit as much as anyone else. But you really have to pick your spots well to talk trash properly.

I don't follow boxing much, so I don't know who these guys are, or whether this fight happened recently or years ago. The Google could tell me these things, but let's be honest: I'm too lazy to check.

What I do know is that this dude posed one time too many before getting his bell rung. Nothing like watching a good uppercut make someone wobbly:

Burnouts 1, Smarties 0

Big upset in the NCAA tournament yesterday, as my alma mater (I hate that stupid term) OU beat the ass out of big-school smartypants preppies Georgetown yesterday. Not only was it OU's first tourney win since I was in 2nd grade, but it was apparently the largest margin of defeat for a 14 seed over a 3 seed.

All that means that I'm wearing my Ohio gear with pride today in the nation's capital, and those popped collar douchebags can go to mommy and daddy's vacation retreat to lick their wounds. OU folks will be at the bar. Suckas.

Advantage, Tension

Ok, that headline really sucks. But c'mon, it's tennis. I guess I don't care enough about tennis to come up with a really witty headline.

But if you haven't seen it already, take 5 minutes and watch this charity match where things get a little chippy between Sampras and Agassi. Apparently Agassi makes fun of Sampras for being cheap in his book or something, and Sampras was not pleased.



Sending the serve at Agassi was a nice move, but I would have just made fun of the clip-on hair. That joke would never, ever get old.

F UK

Ha ha....that didn't last long...looks like perfection was not in the cards for the UK basketball team, and I couldn't be happier. Between their shady-ass coach (he's had two Final Fours at two different schools wiped out b/c of scandals), UK fans sense of entitlement, and the fact that their school is, you know, in Kentucky, there are plenty of reasons to hate on them.

And even better that a PG who played for Cincinnati (albeit briefly) led the charge. Although South Carolina is just a sunnier version of Kentucky with a few beaches, I can get in their corner for a special occasion like this.

Even a phone call from Obama, where he warned them about choking, couldn't stop the loss from coming. Oh well. Now let's just see if Calipari can get to the tournament without putting another school on probation. My vote is no.