The Champion

After spending untold hours over the last 4 months staring at tons of websites, digging out obscure players and stats to build team BitchinCamaro to completion, my hard work was rewarded with a Fantasy Football Championship last night.

After the victory, the team huddled for a quick locker-room prayer, where we thanked (in no particular order) Don O'Neill, Matt Forte, the internet, my parents, budweiser, and all the little people I beat on the way to the league title.

After exiting in the first round of the playoffs the last few years, I got Tony Romo's loser ass off my team and claimed my first title, albeit with some controversy over a tiebreaker scenario. Regardless, the haters can eat it and put all their asterisks or taints wherever they wanna.

I won, bitches. See you next year.

Victory

So like about 10 million other football fans, I play in a fantasy football league. For those of you that don't know what it is, that's why they made The Google. I'm not going to explain it b/c it'll sound even dorkier than it is.

Unlike most other fans, though, I spend waaaaay too much time on fantasy football stuff...scouring rosters for hidden gems of players, analyzing matchups, coming up with kickass team names (this year my team is BitchinCamaro), etc...

The only problem is my team fully shits the bed in the playoffs every year. I've become the poster boy for choking in the spotlight, and of course this has forced me to spend more time on fantasy football to try and prevent the choking, which makes the eventual choking that much more brutal.

Finally, my string of first-round exits has ended. After a complicated tiebreaker system that involved way too many emails (and a few harsh statements about my, um, crotchal region), I emerged victorious from the first round. So yay for me. Now I can start a new tradition of getting stomped in the 2nd round.