Slow Learners

Growing up, I had a good friend who was bigger, faster, stronger and just overall more athletic than me. I may have tried real hard and been real scrappy, but outside of Hollywood and Hallmark cards, the skinny scrappy guy doesn't beat the big, fast, strong guy too much.

However, I didn't know that, and when I decided to play football (for the first time) my senior year of high school, my bigger faster friend was already on the team and had about 10 years of football behind him. Being really smart, I spent the whole off-season (i.e., non-contact time) talking shit to him about how I was going to run him over when we put pads on.

Finally, the day of full pads came along. In the first contact drill, I was lined up against my friend, and he fully put me on my ass. He hit me so hard, in fact, that it literally knocked all the snot out of my nose and I had to wipe up after I got up off the ground and straightened my helmet.

A humbling moment, and the last time I talked shit to this guy in any contact sport setting.

So if you were from France, your country has basically spent the last 100 years getting put on its ass in one way or another (the last World Cup and the last 2 World Wars come to mind).

But that didn't stop the French Men's swimmers from talking all kinds of shit leading up to tonight's relay final about how they were going to bury the US. This same US team with all-around badass Michael Phelps, and some other guys I've never heard of. But none of them wear funny hats or smoke cigarettes with fancy holders, like all the French swimmers do.

In case you missed it, the US swimmers overcame a big French lead and beat the Eiffel Towers, forcing them to cry into their berets and baguettes.